Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Twitter Machine Tuesday
Death. Taxes. Twitter Machine Tuesday. All inescapable truths.
Like always my Twitter Machine is back with a vengance. I was wondering the other day if anything has ever been back without a vengance or better than ever. It would be odd to tell people you're back and just the same as always. Or back and not vengeful at all.
Without further ado, the Machine is back, the same as it ever was.
-If #sharkweek and #deadliestcatch are so popular, why not have an Ocean Network?
-Surprised that our PC world hasn't cried shark favoritism & forced a Whale Week on us.
-I was planning on doing nothing but #sharkweek fake tweets just to anger @erinsgirls who doesn't care for it
-Decided it would get kind of old. Like watching Air Sharks for 42nd time.
-Penguin Week is actually what I'd prefer. They're always so well dressed.
-Ana smiles with ALL of her teeth. It's really funny. Like she is showing off her jaws. #sharkbabyweek
-The girls have now gone "swimming" 3 times. Ana has a natural breast stroke kick.
-Grace has a natural "if you let go of me I will never forgive you" non-kick.
-Started using Instagram. Hating that I can't edit my pictures using the app without posting them online.
-Unless I can and I'm just dense.
-MTV turned 30 years old. What does the M stand for now that they never play music?
-D-BagTV might actually be more accurate at this point.
-Do you gain your virginity back when you go to Comicon?
-This DILF talk is making me self-conscious. I'd just like my wife to see me as a DIMTAF.
-Take a guess what that might stand for in the comments
-Weeds strayed a bit in season 4. What happened to the satirical look at the suburbs that I love?
-If I want gritty realism, I'll watch The Wire or The Shield.
-Sometimes I'll bring up politics in mixed company just to get people worked up.
-I've had candy sitting on my desk at work to hand out since Sat. Haven't had a piece. Restraint or foolishness?
-What the hell is nougat anyways? He wondered aloud while staring at a mini-Snickers.
-The only Spanish I speak is for my job. I call it semi-conversational.
-I rarely drink soda, but I prefer Dr Pepper when I do.
-In a related story, I had a Dr Pepper Slurpee once. Greatest idea since freedom of speech.
-Has there ever been a sweet and gentle dictator? I'd like to be the first.
-How about a takeover that wasn't hostile?
-The Bachelorette has more monologues than Shakespeare. Unbearable.
-Add contestant on The Bachelor(ette) to the list of things I'll never let my daughters do.
-I'm sure you can imagine the rest of that list.
Shutting down the Twitter Machine for this week. Catch you next week.