Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Twitter Machine Tuesday


Death.  Taxes.  Twitter Machine Tuesday.  All inescapable truths.

Like always my Twitter Machine is back with a vengance.  I was wondering the other day if anything has ever been back without a vengance or better than ever.  It would be odd to tell people you're back and just the same as always.  Or back and not vengeful at all.

Without further ado, the Machine is back, the same as it ever was.



-If #sharkweek and #deadliestcatch are so popular, why not have an Ocean Network?
-Surprised that our PC world hasn't cried shark favoritism & forced a Whale Week on us.
-I was planning on doing nothing but #sharkweek fake tweets just to anger @erinsgirls who doesn't care for it
-Decided it would get kind of old. Like watching Air Sharks for 42nd time.
-Penguin Week is actually what I'd prefer. They're always so well dressed.
-Ana smiles with ALL of her teeth. It's really funny. Like she is showing off her jaws. #sharkbabyweek
-The girls have now gone "swimming" 3 times. Ana has a natural breast stroke kick.
-Grace has a natural "if you let go of me I will never forgive you" non-kick.
-Started using Instagram. Hating that I can't edit my pictures using the app without posting them online.
-Unless I can and I'm just dense.
-MTV turned 30 years old. What does the M stand for now that they never play music?
-D-BagTV might actually be more accurate at this point.
-Do you gain your virginity back when you go to Comicon?
-This DILF talk is making me self-conscious. I'd just like my wife to see me as a DIMTAF.
-Take a guess what that might stand for in the comments
-Weeds strayed a bit in season 4. What happened to the satirical look at the suburbs that I love?
-If I want gritty realism, I'll watch The Wire or The Shield.
-Sometimes I'll bring up politics in mixed company just to get people worked up.
-I've had candy sitting on my desk at work to hand out since Sat. Haven't had a piece. Restraint or foolishness?
-What the hell is nougat anyways? He wondered aloud while staring at a mini-Snickers.
-The only Spanish I speak is for my job. I call it semi-conversational.
-I rarely drink soda, but I prefer Dr Pepper when I do.
-In a related story, I had a Dr Pepper Slurpee once. Greatest idea since freedom of speech.
-Has there ever been a sweet and gentle dictator? I'd like to be the first.
-How about a takeover that wasn't hostile?
-The Bachelorette has more monologues than Shakespeare. Unbearable.
-Add contestant on The Bachelor(ette) to the list of things I'll never let my daughters do.
-I'm sure you can imagine the rest of that list.

Shutting down the Twitter Machine for this week.  Catch you next week.

3 comments:

Kim {Yep, they are all mine} said...

I have a lot to say here, so I will make a list.

#sharkbabyweek = LOL

Instagram = Agree. Sometimes I'm not ready to share.

Comicon comment = LMAO

DIMTAF = Dad I'd Meet Today/Tuesday And Fuck. That's all I got. I expect some clarification on this, please.

Weeds = Agree. Season 5 is the same. BUT, season SIX is AWESOME. So hang tight.

Dr. Pepper = Agree

Rest of the list = Yep, I can.

erin said...

This is your best twitter machine Tuesday (so far). Frickin hilarious. Sharkbabyweek? Haha. She definitely has the teeth to be a shark.

Also, d-bag tv? Lol. Jersey shore premiered tonight. You would be so angry of you saw how many tweets and status updates I read about this today.

DILFIT. You got this ;)

Dani said...

The should have ocean network...don't forget Whale Wars. I watch them all. And love them. Because I am a dork.

Instagram: You can. Add the filter of your choosing and then click next to go to the next screen where you add a description. Type in a few letters and wait for the little spinning dial on your iPhone (at the top that shows something is loading) to stop spinning. Check your photos and make sure it's saved. Then go back to instagram and click back. You can always reload. You can do this same thing to save it in normal mode and then add a filter later. If it didn't save, click back one screen and forward to the next screen again and make sure you wait until that little dial stops spinning. Does this make sense?

I avoid politics like the plague. I piss off both sides of the aisle.