Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Twitter Machine Tuesday

I'm back from what turned out to be a wonderful vacation.  "Wonderful vacation" is redundant of course, but I figured I'd let all my loyal readers that missed me over the past week or so know that missing out on my ramblings was worth it as far I'm concerned.  Not that it actually matters to any of you dialogue lovers out there.

I apologize half-heartedly because I have been compiling these over the last two weeks.  That being said, some of these fake tweets may not be as timely as they could be, but I obviously don't care that much because I'm posting them anyway.  Fear not.  They're still up to my normal "standard" of fake tweets as far as I'm concerned.  Not only that, but I'm giving you what essentially amounts to a double-dose to make up for my time off.


-More believable: Apes taking over the world or James Franco being a scientist?
-Our girls love hummus. We don't want any picky eaters.
-We've done away with discs completely on our Netflix plan. Instant Queue owns.
-I've never earned a vacation like I've earned this one.
-One of life's simple pleasures: smooth peanut butter, strawberry-pomegranate jam on wheat toast
-Cookie Crisps is just a middle finger to parents. Yeah, cookies for breakfast. That works.
-What has rioting ever solved? Seriously Londoners have a spot of tea and chill.
-Blaming social media for a riot is like blaming the alcohol for a DUI. #ittakesavillageidiot
-@erinsgirls took the girls to Marine World. So sad I had to work.
-They got to pet a 500lb sea lion. And see penguins. And an elephant.
-Apparently I should be watching Louie. FX is right behind AMC & HBO for best network honors.
-I'm becoming addicted to Instagram. I love making pictures look old-timey.
-People are always surprised with the girls eating solids. Gotta start some time.
-Field of Dreams is the most overrated baseball movies ever. Overly-sentimental.
-The Natural & Bull Durham are waaaaay better.
-Ana is now saying "Dadada". I love it! Talkers and movers. Keeping life interesting.
-I feel like them being so well-behaved now means poorly behaved kids later on.
-Aren't vacations supposed to leave you well-rested?
-I'm really not good at sharing a room with our girls. Will expand on this in a full post.
-I'm doing Weight Watchers w/@erinsgirls. Solidarity. And my DILF goal of course.
-My wife needs to write more. Come on Mutterings of Eringirl. You're so much better than most bloggers.
-And Grace is starting to pull herself up in her crib. Had to be dropped.
-Of course the Raiders took Pryor. Their fans and players are familiar w/priors.
-Sporting events are for rooting for teams. I shouldn't fear for my or my family's safety at a game.
-Vacations make me part-time Amish. Little to no technology, eating outside, playing board games, etc.
-If T-Rex can't see what isn't moving, why doesn't it run into walls and trees and shit? #jurassicpark #amc
-Using a Q-Tip after a week without one is a little slice of heaven.
-That's a reference to cotton swabs not the rapper. Although I'm sure he is also quite lovely.
-If all these crappy sequels/retreads don't make money will they stop making them? #frightnight #conanthebarbarian #spykids
-Aaaaaahhh the ground is sh-sh-shaking! You East Coasters crack me up. #earthquakeawareness
-When you squint Gadhafi does actually look a bit like Carmen Sandiego.
-Worse family: Manson or Kardashian? #toss-up

You'll be reading more about the actual vacation tomorrow.  It feels great to be back in the blogging world.

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