Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Twitter Machine Tuesday

I've gone on and on about how my twitter machine is my only consistent post.  I actually like to work on it because it requires little to no thought.  I hate to pull back the curtain or burst any bubbles, but that's just the the way it is.  It is all about random thoughts and musings throughout my week (mostly on the weekend and Monday leading up to the machine).  Sometimes I'll look at the news and comment on that.  Sometimes my wife and kids inspire it.  But mostly I just write stuff down throughout the day as it pops in my head.

More thought might go into which cartoon bird to put on the post...

-We're pretty much done with Weeds on Instant Queue. Taking a time machine to visit Don Draper next.
-Bloggers are so secretive. I don't care if people know my or my wife's name.
-Seriously who would want to steal my identity? You can have it.
-I only write these to make my wife laugh. #missionaccomplished
-We're planning the girls first birthday which is still 3 months away. Erin is looking for themes.
-I already told her baseball theme. Pennants with their names on them. Jerseys with number 1. #problemsolvers
-I hope to be upgraded from a Double-A rated husband to a Triple-A rating. But I need to establish some credit.
-An apple a day keeps the doctor away...depending on your arm strength and accuracy.
-An Apple iPad a day on the other hand will keep the money away.
-The "new" Planet of the Apes made over $50 million. Seriously? #wtfamerica
-Has the Twitter Machine ever gotten anyone a job or does it just get people fired?
-We have an ice cream social with the twin group on Saturday.  Won't be hungover this time.
-Proof of God's existence: Reese's Peanut Butter cups.
-Raise your hand if you thought I was going to say something like "my baby girls" #suckers
-Dr Pepper is my fave soda as I've written before but damnit Vanilla Coke is right there.
-I said the F-word more times while watching baseball this weekend than I have all year.
-I rarely curse while I'm writing, but I do it a lot while speaking. It's my talking crutch.
-But really is there anything more cathartic than dropping an angry Fuck?
-Any toilet paper can be two-ply if you fold it enough.
-So Kanye West said that people look at him like he's Hitler #perspective
-Jonah Hill has gained so much weight that at this point he looks like he's wearing a fat suit.
-I'm pretty sure Justin Timberlake has built his fame on charisma more than anything. But damn he's charismatic
-Is anyone not super geeked for The Dark Knight Rises? We all know that it will be incredible.
-Real Madrid signed a 7-year-old. Good luck getting him to take out the trash now.
-I judge but I'd probably have Grace or Ana do the exact same thing. #chaching
-If you need a random ex-athlete to be a part of your TV show, John Salley is ALWAYS available #thecarshow
-I just don't understand who was clamoring for a fifth Final Destination movie.

Next week you actually may not be reading my Twitter Machine post since we're going on vacation (!!!).  So unless I'm really relaxing you'll have to wait for a double-stuffed post the following week.


HC said...

Haha! Love it! Saw a link on Erins twitter (ironic, huh?)! And in response to your last tweet, my husband and I (not so) secretly love the final destination movies (expect the last one!), and cannot wait for the next #guiltypleasure

Kim {Yep, they are all mine} said...

I think I need to start capitalizing Fuck.

Dani said...

DP is BOSS!!!!

I love your Twitter posts. I crack up every single time.

I didn't intend to hide the names of my kids and husband...it just sort of happened. I feel like The Boy and The Girl is a better description when telling their tale. Same with The Mr. But JUST FOR YOU: The Boy is Eli, The Girl is Nora, and The Mr. is Jeff.

Now we have no secrets!