If this was a real twitter machine, it would have nothing but Irene tweets. Luckily this is a fake twitter machine, so you won't be inundated with my thoughts on the hurricane. But the East coast does have some crap luck what with earthquakes and hurricanes and such. But that is the real reason why everyone else hates California. It isn't about politics or anything like that. The deep-seeded hatred stems from the fact we have better weather. We know it. They know it. And we're hated for it.
Now on to the fake tweets that you're no doubt clamoring for:
-Grace is pulling herself up completely and standing. Love it.
-The girls even stand up and "talk" to each other instead of napping. Frustratingly adorable.
-I love how up in arms Star Wars fans get every time Lucas makes a tweak. Like he owes it to them not to.
-I'm sure West Coasters would totally freak out if a hurricane hit out here.
-Look at how we drive when it rains.
-I'm not a grammar Nazi, but I do hate "should/would of". It's should've. Short for should have.
-I can't believe how hard some work to get out of doing their job.
-I've never understood "stress leave". You know what is stressful for me? Not having any money.
-Being a Giants fan has been painful this year. Thank God for the 2010 WS.
-I'd hate to see how people react when Steve Jobs actually dies.
-I feel like Adam Sandler keeps putting out crap to get us to make fun of him. #laughingtothebank
-There are people out there that are friend/reader collectors. I'm not fond of those types.
-If you like my shit, great. Bonus.
-If you know someone that'll like my shit and they start reading, sweet. Double bonus.
-There is so much self-editing that I have to do online. Apparently I don't want to alienate everyone.
-That being said: the majority of people are stupid and have a crazy sense of entitlement.
-Is it burning bridges when you tell certain employees how much they suck? Or just employers?
-Steve Jobs apparently has a bigger stake in Disney than Apple. Where's the keynote from Mr. Toads?
-As long as the girls need a stroller we're not going to Disneyland.
-I hate strollers at Disneyland like Rosie O'Donnell hates exercise.
-Lady Gaga's act is tired. Adele is classier and 1000 times more talented.
-Mad Men is in full effect on the Instant Queue. Jon Hamm is so much better than anyone else on this show.
-I wasn't around in the 60s but did they really smoke this much?
-Also glad that my daughters aren't going to be limited to being secretaries.
That'll be everything I have to fake tweet this week. Signing off until next Tuesday's Machine.