Next week we are actually going to have an honest-to-goodness vacation. We're going down to Southern California with Erin's parents, her grandma and the girls. It's pretty exciting since this is the first time off I'll have taken since starting my new job. It's also the job that is allowing me to go down there in the first place.
But mostly I'm looking forward to taking the girls to the beach and going out to nice dinners.
It actually isn't an extended time off for me. I'll only be down there for two nights and flying back on Tuesday. But you probably don't care about that. All you care about is what this means for you the readers? Well I won't be posting a Twitter Machine next week. I also won't be posting anything on Monday. When I go on vacation, I go all the way on vacation. I also don't post stuff from my phone because that's way too dedicated.
At least you can enjoy the Twitter Machine this week. Or at the very least tolerate it.
-I don't think people should be forbidden from telling certain jokes. If Tosh wants to tell a rape joke, then he has the right to. #tosh
-It isn't your job to police what people say. If you don't like it, you exercise your right by walking out and not giving him your money.
-His response of five guys raping that audience member wasn't funny. You need to address hecklers in a more humorous way than that.
-The moment we start deciding what should and shouldn't be said is the moment we start losing our freedom. Hurt feelings happen. Get over it.
-I've been putting off my recent Criminally Underrated for too long. I'll be posting it tomorrow.
-For those of you who tuned into the All Star Game and saw a Giants' game instead: you're welcome #sfgiants
-Dark Knight Rises comes out this weekend, and I probably won't be seeing it because we're watching our money. #stupidresponsibilities
-Keep in mind that buying movie tickets isn't the only cost to consider. Babysitting. Popcorn. Junior Mints. It isn't cheap.
-Ana loves holding Grace's hand. On walks she says "Hand" and walks with her. #twins #myheart
-The Bachelorette claimed that the finale will be the "Live event of the summer." I guess we don't consider the Summer Olympics either live or an event. #whoknew
-I find it funny when someone that has had a bunch of plastic surgery calls someone else fake. I'm sure you're like 38% real though.
-My girls don't even want to snuggle in the morning anymore. They've been conditioned to ask for a call from Elmo first thing. #elmocalls
-This whole Viacom/DirecTV thing has led to no Futurama or Yo Gabba Gabba in our house. I'm not happy about it.
-In a related story, I called DirecTV and complained that I would cancel and got $30/month off my bill for 12 months. And free Showtime and Starz for 90 days. #winning
-It has at least allowed us to DVR the last season of Weeds #littleboxes #littlevictories
-I still want my Futurama back, and I get the distinct feeling our girls still want Yo Gabba Gabba back
-MLB The Show and MLB.com feature a Dharma Initiative logo at Turner Field. It makes me chuckle and want to rewatch LOST. #LOST
-This morning Ana was saying TV. Really? We hardly let you watch it for this very reason.
-I want to write a song if only to include the lyric: It's hard to get over you when I was never under you
-Apparently owning a separate non-smartphone to take out when getting drunk is a thing. #kidstoday
-I don't know what I'm more jealous about: The ingenuity of the idea or the fact that people have that kind of disposable income.
-Erin actually asked me if the DVR knows that The Bachelorette finale is airing on Sunday instead.
-I don't know why she is so concerned with it. She already read the spoilers of who will be chosen.
-Funny thing is if I had read the spoilers and told her, she would have been pissed.
That's all for this week's Twitter Machine. I won't see you next Tuesday, but I'll be back the following week.