Wednesday, April 20, 2011


I'm not a fan of dealing with people when I can avoid it.  In fact I almost border on anti-social.  I hate when people I don't know try to talk to me.  I hate fake smiling and forcing my way through conversation.

My hatred of all people and my desire to avoid conversation with random strangers has led me to absolutely love self-checkout at the grocery store.  It is like the perfect invention for any guy, especially a guy like me.  When I go to the grocery store, I want to get in and out with my items, and I definitely want to avoid the "pleasantries" normally associated with grocery shopping.

I'd like to point out that this in no way is meant to belittle grocery store employees.  I understand their aversion to self-checkout and it possibly taking their jobs.  I also appreciate them trying to establish some level of customer service.  This is more about my hang-ups than anything else.

I like to think I've become an expert when it comes to self-checkout.  Obviously I've established some rules for doing self-checkout the right way because I still want to avoid annoyances while shopping.  Think of this as a public service that is actually only for my benefit.

-If you wouldn't qualify for the 10 or 15 item or less line, don't use the self-checkout.
-Debit card is the preferred payment method.
-Cash is acceptable too.  But you may only use bills (NO COINS) and may not use more than three bills to pay.
-Only scannable items are acceptable.  Don't load up on produce unless you already know the code.
-No small talk with anyone else that is using the self-checkout.
-If you have questions about anything or how to use it, just get in a regular line already.
-Don't buy alcohol through the self-checkout.  You're going to need assistance from a store employee anyway.  Just go through the normal line.
-No coupons (obviously)
-Like the gas station, always pull up to the furthest station.  Don't pick the self-checkout that is closest to you unless all the other ones are taken.  That is just common courtesy.
-Have a bagging plan before you step up.  You should always know how you'd like to arrange and bag your groceries, and shouldn't be trying to figure it out on the fly.  There is a reason why Tetris would always show you the next piece, so you can have a plan and make it fit.
-Get off your phone.  I can appreciate that you are a supreme multi-tasker, but it invariably slows you down no matter how great you think you are.  Plus no one wants to hear your conversation.  This rule actually applies for any grocery store visit.  Don't be that guy.
-Finally when you're waiting for the receipt to print, gather your bags up.  That way you can grab the receipt and leave all in one motion.

These aren't difficult rules to follow, and they'll only make your anti-social shopping experience that much richer.  Also you're avoidance of strangulation by me will greatly improve.


erin said...

Self checkout fulfills a childhood dream of mine to scan groceries. I know how lame that sounds, but it was fun as a kid to pretend to do that. And I like doing to do produce. Also, the code for Fiji apples is 4131.

Kimberly {YeP, they are all mine} said...

"My hatred of all people..."


And I totally agree with Erin - it's every kid's dream :-)